What If? (The Rewrite)
by Illusions4738
Summary: Meet a surprisingly willing new addition to the mayhem of the Ouran Host club, who is as secretive as her namesake: Hisoka Matsumei. God-sister to Haruhi Fujioka. What will the hosts make of her? Will they help her accept herself? Will she find friendship? Love? A chance at forging her own life? Her story awaits, read at your own pleasure. (Rewrite of my 2014 story What If?)


Chapter 1 – Starting Today You are a Host:  
Part 1, Get out Alive

The bell sounded, signaling the end of the day. My classmates all erupted from their seats and a chorus of chatter spewed from the students, many of whom began to exit the classroom to move onto more leisurely activities. I sighed, still seated and reached into my bag and pulled out my phone looking at the time. It was 3:30pm. I opened my messages, no texts from anyone: no Rei, no Marco, no Haruhi, no Kain, not even a message from my mother telling me we've ran out of milk.  
Figuring that gave me some more time before I needed to head back home I place my phone back into my bag, picking it up with the intention of heading to one of the school's many libraries to do my math's homework.

-+- (about 15 minutes later) -+-

'_Damn!' _I thought in irritation walking along the corridors of my school, Ouran Academy. For the past half an hour I have been wandering the vastness of the school's corridors, looking for a quiet place to do my homework in peace, but to no avail. This place has 4 damn libraries, so you'd think a minimum of one would be quiet at least. None of the students I'd encountered seemed to take studying seriously and would give up any attempts at work the moment another rich kid started up some form of conversation with them. From my observations getting connected in their elite world was more important than any work they were meant to do.  
After several moments of vague wonderings I paused upon reaching a door at the end of the hallway that I was walking along. I looked up at the sign above it, 'Music room #3'. I stared at the sign and began to weigh my options over.  
'While I library would be ideal for working it wouldn't be the first time I've found an unused room to temporarily set up shop in…and I do really need to start on my homework…'  
Making up my mind I reached down for the handle, hesitating a moment before pulling down on the cool metal and slowly opening it. A second later I was blinded as a group of crisp red rose petals drifted through to meet me from the other side, sweet smells enticing me through the door.

"Welcome!"

In reflection, at the time I had no idea what I was walking into when I opened that door. But was I in for one hell of a surprise.

It took me a few seconds to fully comprehend what was going on. After regaining my sight so to speak I blinked twice and saw six beautifully handsome boys standing before me. Well most of them were standing, one was sitting on an intricately carved wooden chair with five others standing around him.  
"Welcome!" They chorused in unison leaving me to stand staring at them. I stared and stared and stared.  
"It appears this room isn't quite as empty as I'd hoped.." I muttered nervously, biting my lip slightly. Immediately I started feeling behind me trying to find the door handle so I could escape back to the slightly less weird world on the other side of the door. The smooth wood of the door seemed to be playing with me as my fingers were unable to find the metal handle.

"Wow. It's a commoner." Was stated rather bluntly from the conglomeration of male bodies before me. But given that I was trying to find my way out of the room by trying to find the door handle behind me (although with my back to the door that was proving to be harder than it seemed) I was kind of distracted. In my state of partial distraction, I was only vaguely aware of another person talking as well.

"Hikaru, Karou. I believe this person is in the same class as you, isn't he?"  
2 voices responded to the asked question in perfect unison, "Yeh but he's shy."  
Their words caught my attention and I stopped fumbling with the handle and quickly turned to face the door, I tried the handle yet again but for some reason it refused to open. Just the luck of the world right?  
"He doesn't talk much so we don't know much about him"  
With the speed of a moving truck the realization that these people thought I was a guy hit me, and to be fair it was kind of my own fault, it's not like I went out of my way to look particularly feminine this morning, in truth all I'd been concerned about as I was running late was ensuring I didn't turn up wearing nothing at all while still having by school books. My long boringly black hair was tied in a ponytail and was tucked behind my collar as I had been in a rush to school this morning and hadn't bothered to untuck it. I was also wearing a rather compressive sports bra due to my distinct inability to prioritize my clothes when I did laundry and my clothing was child mess friendly, even if my clothes were a tad oversized today. I distracted myself from my thoughts and turned back around to the door to try and get out again. This was a strange event but all I wanted to do was attempt my bloody math's homework before I went home, that's all. The handle still wouldn't budge!

One of the voices from earlier resumed talking, "Oh, that wasn't very polite." He seemed to be scolding the other two lightly, his tone then changed and was then directed towards me, "Welcome to the Ouran host club, Mr. honour student."

As I began to formulate a reply a fourth curious voice was brought into the fray, "What? You must be Hisoka Matsumei, You're the 1st year honour student we've heard about."

I gave up completely on the door handle and turned to face the boys in the room, they were all staring at me as I nervously gripped my books, "I'm sorry but how exactly do you know my name?"

The one to answer my question was not in my year, maybe a 2nd year or 3rd year. He had short black hair and glasses, "Why, you're infamous." He told me and I gripped my book harder.

"How so?" I asked and he seemed slightly amused by my response.

"It's not every day that a commoner gains entrance into our academy. You must have an audacious nerve to work hard enough to fight your way into this school as an honour student, Mr. Matsumei."

"Oh, I see...thank you...I guess..." I began, ignoring being called 'Mr. Matsumei'. Briskly I bowed my head to the room, "Please excuse me for intruding upon your activities. I didn't realize there was anyone in here, I was just looking for a quiet room as all four of the school's libraries were incredibly noisy and distracting. I'll leave now, forgive my interruptions." I told them and they seemed a bit surprised. Maybe they weren't used to people leaving them or something.

"You're welcome!" A hand was suddenly placed on my shoulder causing me to flinch while I tensed up entirely, soon enough the rest of an arm soon followed it until a whole arm was resting on me. After several seconds I glanced up to see the blond guy that had been sitting in the chair moments ago was now leaning on me, "You are a hero to other poor people, Matsumei. You've shown the world that even a poor person can excel at an elite private academy."

Taking my chance, I jumped back from the blonde in discomfort at his proximity to me, he just seemed to continue after me however. His obnoxious words followed just as he did, "It must be hard for you to constantly be looked down upon by others."

"Dear God!" I murmured, trying not to lose it, I continued side-stepping my way to the door "I think you're taking this poor thing rather far. It's quite rude."

Despite my words the boy followed me back to the door, either not hearing what I had said or ignoring it completely and continued rambling, "Spurned, neglected. But that doesn't matter now. Long live the poor!" He put his arms around me again, causing me to tense up again. He closed his eyes and did some strange dramatic thing with his arms, "We welcome you, poor man, to our world of beauty!"

After regaining my senses, I shuddered and pushed the blonde boy away from me with my book, "I tried to be nice before but screw this!" I muttered "I'm outta here."

I was almost at the door when I was pulled back suddenly, and heard and exited voice call out, "Hey. Come back here Hiso-chan! You must be like a superhero or something. That's so cool." A short but ridiculously cute boy with blond hair had pulled me back and was smiling at me, "That's so cool!" He told me but I was more focused on getting away from the grasp of the boy.

"I'm not a hero sorry, I'm only an Honor student." I told him to try and distract myself. "Besides please don't call me Hiso-chan. I don't know you." The small blonde seemed to get upset by my words and began to cry before running towards an incredibly tall boy with spiky black hair who was holding a bunny out to him, I instantly felt pretty bad.

The taller blonde appeared suddenly with his hand to his forehead wearing a confused/disappointed expression. "I never would have imagined..." He drawled "...that the famous scholar would be so openly gay!"

I paused as I digested what had just been said to me...openly what?

The blonde didn't seem to see my confusion, "So tell me what kind of guys you're into." The tall blonde continued brightly, "The strong silent type?" He gestured to the tall boy with black spikey hair, grey eyes and an emotionless face. "The boy Lolita?" I saw the short boy that had grabbed me earlier stop crying and glanced up at me with tears in his eyes. He looked so damn cute especially since he was now holding a pink bunny with him. "How about the mischievous type?", The two identical twins from my class with reddish orange hair, golden eyes and wearing devilish grins turned around and faced me with their right arms interlocked and their backs facing one another. "Or the cool type?" My gaze focused on the boy with black hair and glasses, he seemed to be gaging what I would say for some reason. I didn't give anything that could be considered a decent answer however.

"I…uh..." I faltered, "It's not like that, all I was trying to do was look for a peaceful place to study, that's all..." I told the violet eyed blond who just smirked at me. I began to slowly back away from him but like the devil himself meant to torment me he moved forward with every step back. By the time he caught up with me he leaned down and placed his fingers under my chin. I froze once again at the contact he initiated.

"Or maybe..." He said, bringing my face close to his "You're into a guy like me. What do you say?" Personally I fell that he said that last part particularly seductively but what really threw me was he used one of his fingers to stroke me twice under my chin. The action repulsed me, at that point I couldn't take it any more I jumped backwards trying to get away from him when I hit something. I turned and saw a fancy blue vase begin to fall back. I reached out to grab it, my fingers lightly grasping the cool ceramic before it smashed into hundreds of different pieces. For some reason at that moment I knew, when that vase smashed so did my chance and hope of ever getting out of this place alive.

"I...uh...Huh...uh..." I stammered quietly hearing two people, I correctly guessed the twins, come up behind me.

"Awww." They said together, "We were going to future that Renaissance vase in an upcoming school auction." One of them said, "Oh now you've done it commoner the bidding on that vase was supposed to start at 8 million yen."

My mouth opened and closed like a fish as I tried to ingest this information. Slowly I could begin to feel my body shake in defeat, "8 million yen?" I turned to the twins slowly as I felt the colour drain from my face.

"H...how many thousands is that...how many thousands are in a million...that would help...darn I was never very good at math..." I murmured to myself foolishly to rectify myself. I stood up slowly and tried to poise myself as I gripped my book tighter, "I guess I'll have to find a way to pay you all back."

My words were so quiet but somehow, they heard them, "With what money?" They said in unison looking at each other raising their arms in question "You can't even pay for a school uniform." I shuddered at their words, just because I'm not rich like them really isn't a reason to insult me, "What's with that grubby old outfit your wearing anyway?" One asked.  
"And what's wrong with a little colour? Can common people really be that plain?" The other questioned. I mentally groaned at their rather accurate assessment, I knew my clothing looked awful today, normally I was dressed more smartly but all my smart clothes had been thrown in the wash as my brothers thought they had been dirty and decided to wash them for me. This was my back up: black trousers with an oversized black shirt that was my fathers.

"Sorry, but it's smarter to wear dark clothes around children so that they don't get messy. I have 3 younger siblings so clothing like this is just a precautionary measure, I do prefer light colored clothing, just for the record." I explained trying to distract myself from the mayhem I had just caused.

One of the twins shrugged and looked at the other, "Well that makes sense, you do tend to wear more suitable clothes to class most of the time, even if it is cheap crap you wear." The other nodded in agreement at his brothers' statement. I sighed, I guess that was the best compromise that any of these rich folks could make to a person like me. Still I'm not going to argue about my clothes as they really are horrid and shapeless today.

Dragging me out of my meaningless thoughts, I heard the scrape of ceramic and glanced over to the source of the noise. The boy with the glasses appeared to have picked up a piece of the shattered vase and was regarding it in with a small smirk on his face. It was kind of unnerving.

"Well, Tamaki what do you think we should do?"

He was obviously talking to the touchy and forward blonde because the boy, 'Tamaki?', sat down in the chair he had previously occupied. His aura changed from one of light teasing and flamboyance to one of sudden seriousness. He rapid change in mode was rather unsettling. As my eyes followed him, he seemed to grin to himself and point directly at me.  
"There's a famous saying you may of heard of Matsumei. When in Rome do as the romans do and since you have no money you can pay with your body. That means starting today...You're the host clubs' dog."

His words were blunt, simple and yet somehow managed to complicate my life forever (hindsight is an amazing thing).

The large group of boys all seemed to look at me to observe my reactions, at least that's what I thought in the heat of the moment. Not being able to stand the scrutiny of their collective gaze I gripped my book tighter to the point I could feel my knuckles turn white and found myself biting my lip. I turned my gaze away from the handsome group of boys and to the conglomeration of broken vase pieces behind me. I knew then that no matter what I said or did, my previous thoughts about this room would be proven right.  
I never would get out of here alive.

-+-  
I had done worse things. That I couldn't deny.  
After several tense minutes of the boys speaking amongst themselves, I had been offered (made) to sit with the dark-haired boy with the glasses. He told me his name, Kyoya Ootori, his role as the vice-president of the club and the roles I was going to undertake while working for the club's members. He then showed me the storeroom and small kitchen that the music room had (try to figure that one out for yourselves) and told me how to make the drinks I would be expected to serve during the club's genuine activities. After a realization/stock take that revealed that the club was almost out of coffee Kyoya told me to go and get some more. Trying to be as quick as possible and due to my complete lack of knowledge regarding anything caffeinated, I bought the most time efficient product available, instant coffee. I made sure to keep a receipt and then went back to school carrying my purchases in a simple brown paper bag. By the time I walked back into music room 3 the club's activities were in full swing.  
So much for arriving before the room was swamped with people.

I was in the process of walking towards a store-room that I had been shown by the dark haired host, Kyoya, earlier to put away the coffee when I heard the tall blonde, Tamaki address me and call me over to him. Not wishing to start more of a fuss than I had earlier I obeyed, albeit a bit reluctantly. I made a mental note not to react to the rather degrading nickname of 'piglet' that he used on me as I felt that it would just cause trouble, especially when so many other students from the school were around.  
Tamaki made me hand the bag of purchased items over to him, I gathered that he wished to inspect them. Tamaki took the bag from me and began to look through all the goods inside. Everything seemed to be in order but as I turned to leave his voice sounded from where he was sitting on the love seat in front of me.

"Hey!" He exclaimed "Wait a minute. What is this?"

Out of pure curiosity I looked down to what the blond boy was holding and noticed that he was holding a jar of Hescafe instant coffee. I felt myself stunned for a moment of so as I regarded his words. Fighting the urge to ask if he was completely ignorant, I instead replied in the 'nicest'/simplest way possible.

"All that it looks like," I told him plainly, reaching over him to point at the word 'coffee' on the front of the jar. He didn't seem to mind, "It's coffee."

"I've never seen this brand before." Tamaki told me sounding genuinely confused as he regarded the product in hand, "Is this the kind that's already ground?"

I looked the product over and knew that what was in the jar certainly wasn't pre-ground coffee, but instead dissolvable granules of...I wasn't actually sure. What struck me was that he didn't seem able to recognize this.

"What do you mean?," I voiced, my tone mirroring the confusion he seemed to hold over the jar in his hand, "It's instant coffee. Simple as that."

Confusion appeared to be contagious as the girls sitting across from Tamaki cocked their heads to the side in clear discombobulation. "It's instant?" They asked in a highly confused tone. At this a loud exclamation from the blonde drew everyone's attention to him.  
"Woah!" He leaned leaning forward to stare even more intently at the coffee, "I've heard of this before. Its commoner's coffee!"

I stared down at the jar, That's their name for instant coffee? It's just a simple product so I don't seem to understand why everyone is treating it like such a big deal. I found myself twisting my fingers in the collar of my shirt as everyone continued to regard the poor and helpless jar that I had stolen from its supermarket comfort.

The noise seemed to have attracted a crowd around Tamaki, his guests and me. The sudden increase in people made me feel a little uncomfortable but since no one was touching me I didn't overthink it.

"You just add hot water?" Tamaki mused as he read over the instructions on the back of the jar like he was studying an advanced textbook.

"I didn't know there was such a thing." Another one of the girls admitted which lead into a long speculation of the surrounding girls over the fact that those without immense wealth did not have time to perform tasks like grinding their own coffee beans and how sad that must be. I ignored it, mostly because I knew that whenever I came across coffee beans, I wouldn't make coffee due to my dislike of the drink but would instead just eat the beans as a snack (probably not the best decision I've made but whatever).

Kyoya, the guy with the glasses seemed to regard the product, not with confusion but instead with interest unlike everyone around him, "Commoners are pretty smart. 100 grams for 300 yen?" He turned to me as he regarded the price and I nodded slowly.  
The voice of one of the twins in my class sounded on the other side of me and I glanced at them out of the corner of my eye, "That's a lot less than we normally pay." He regarded, but I couldn't tell if he was criticizing the jar in Tamaki's hand or not.

"Excuse me, I'll get something' else," I murmured under my breath, getting the feeling that they were being rude for the simple reason of as they were rich they could get away with it, "Sorry for not getting you all top notch coffee. Put in the effort to actually tell me what you want this time and I'll go get that instead."

"No I'll keep it." Tamaki interrupted, disregarding my words blatantly, putting his arm in the air like he was trying to stop me going anywhere. Amazingly Kyoya leaned backwards just in time to avoid Tamaki hitting him as he stood up, with the coffee raised in the air like it was some newly discovered treasure, "I'm going to give it a try. I will drink this coffee!" he declared dramatically. At those words almost everyone around began clapping while the blonde seemed to brush off their applause like he was pretending to be modest after winning a massive competition. He then wondered off with all the girls clad in their puffy pale-yellow dresses following him like baby ducks. As he walked by, he called back to me, telling me to come and make everyone some of the coffee he was so enthralled by.

I sighed over the stupidity of the scene I had just been involved and let go of my collar, lightly clenching my fist to relieve some tension in my hand. As I was about to join the conglomeration of yellow that had gathered over by a series of tables a soft but confident voice broke through the silence that had descended over the previously full loveseats.  
A sunflower garbed girl with dark grey eyes and lovely long deep red hair gently set down a tea cup she was holding, an amused tone to her words as she spoke, "Oh Tamaki. Now you're taking the joke too far. Your palate won't be able to stomach that crap. You don't have to drink it just because he bought it."  
I raised an eyebrow at her words. They gleaned arrogance which irritated me slightly but I didn't wish to say anything to her at risk of making my situation here worse. As if sensing my irritation at her words she turned with a smile which almost anyone would be able to tell was forced, "I'm sorry. I was talking to myself."  
I sighed, not believing her for a moment but was pulled out of my thoughts by a rather loud Tamaki calling me over to where he and many of the club's guests were.  
"Hisoka!"  
"Hold your blooming horses I'm coming." I muttered under my breath as I walked over. Thankfully when I reached them I saw that cups, saucers, a coffee pot and steaming kettle had already been laid out. I was quite thankful for that as it meant that I didn't have to spend time running around looking for the items to make the coffee. It just made my job quite a bit easier.  
Within minutes 4 cups of the brown liquid had been brewed and placed on a tray. I then carefully picked the tray up and held it out to the girl's surrounding the 'demonstration' table. "Here you all go." I told the collective and hesitantly four of the girls took the cups. I couldn't tell whether they were hesitant because they feared the unfamiliar coffee or wary of me, the commoner giving it to them. I almost secretly wished of both as this was obstructing me of the jobs that the club's vice-president had set me earlier.  
"Let the tasting begin." Tamaki announced eagerly to the girls. In his defense he did seem genuinely intrigued by something so new to him. However, turning it into a spectacle maybe wasn't the wisest move.  
"I'm a little scared to drink this stuff." One of the girls voiced as she looked into her cup.  
"I'm afraid if I drink this, my father will yell at me." Another admitted, showing that the spectacle approach really may not have been the best move.  
I sighed.  
Tamaki's smooth voice broke through all hesitation as he moved forward before holding the face of one of the girls so close to his own for a moment I thought that they'd kiss.  
"What if I let you drink it from my mouth?" He suggested kind of...well suggestively. This caused a flurry of squealing from the girls around us and the hesitant girl replied to Tamaki in an almost dreamlike voice, "Oh well _then_, I would drink it."  
Watching this display made me raise an eyebrow at it all. I just sighed once more, being too lost of words to do anything else.

I kept feeling more and more out of place the longer I spent time doing odd jobs for the Ouran host club. I picked up another tea tray and walked past the two red headed twins from my class (whose names I had learnt to be Hikaru and Kaoru). I was doing my best not to judge them, but their current actions were rather unnerving to me: The two brothers were holding each other so close that I honestly believed for a moment that they might kiss, a common speculation I had encountered today. The girls sitting with them were squealing over what was happening, but I couldn't understand why. I sighed placed the tray down and moved some hair that had fallen in front of my face away as it irritated me when the strands of hair tickled my skin.

I picked the rather beautifully decorated tray back up and walked over to a collection of loveseats occupied similarly by a group of smiling girls to both collect empty tea cups and serve more refreshments. As I collected the items the girls were gratefully polite and thanked me as I completed my tasks. I gave them all a small bow as best as I could carrying the full tray and began to move on.

As I moved on I noticed that the short blond boy, whom I had been introduced to as a 3rd year called Mitsukuni 'Hunni' Haninozuka, be carried into the room on the back of the rather tall stoic looking black haired guy, another 3rd year whom I had been introduced to as Takashi 'Mori' Morinozuka. Hunni's words were sluggish and he rubbed his eyes sleepily as he addressed the girls on the loveseats, who were apparently their guests.  
As I watched this scene, I felt a stab of disbelief that this cute blond boy was really 2 years my senior.

"Can he really be a third year?" I found myself murmuring under my breath as I stood observing him play around with his guests, "He reminds me too much of Mei. I just can't believe it."  
My vision from my left eye hindered I didn't realise that someone was standing to my left. That is until they announced themselves that is.

"Hunni Senpai may seem young and childish, but he's a prodigy. And then Mori Senpai's allure is his strong and silent disposition."  
Trying not to jump slightly at the unexpected presence to my left I turned my head and saw the bespekeled vice-president, Kyoya, standing beside me. He wasn't looking at me, similarly to what I had just been doing he was observing Hunni and Mori interact with their guests. I placed the tray I was carrying down on a side table near me and looked back at the dark haired and blonde-haired hosts. After a moment or so of watching them I responded to Kyoya's statement.  
"Being new to this and from what I've seen so far, all I can say that it seems to work well having such a strong contrast between the two. Their oppositions seem to complement each other and... sorry, I don't really know how to describe it."  
Kyoya turned to face me for the first time and nodded, "That's perfectly alright. Although it's useful that you can begin to recognise the ways in which they both play off each other here."

Before I could respond once more, I was assaulted from the side. I completely tensed, barely able to recognise that the tiny Hunni was spinning me around by my arm chanting 'Hiso-chan'. By the time he had stopped flailing me around I had frozen in my tracks completely.

"Hey Hiso-chan, do you wanna go have some cake with me?" The innocent guy asked excitedly before waiting for an answer from me. I didn't give one. I couldn't give one.

Crap kind of getting off track here...and so back to the topic at hand. I had to wait for my brain to register that Hunni wouldn't harm me before I could move. Usually that only took a few moments.

_'Do you wanna go have some cake with me?'_

Oh!

By this point Hunni had let go of my arm and was slowly able to relax my body enough to start functioning normally again. However, my progress seemed too slow for the short boy whose eyes were wide as he looked up at me in slight worry.  
"Hiso-chan are you ok. Did I hurt you?" He asked, slight concern graced his words and the Vice-President, I noticed, was watching our exchange in curiosity.  
Soon enough I was relaxed enough to move about freely again. It was like always a massive relief to me and I think the two hosts around me. I feel like I might have spooked them slightly.

My first movement saw me kneeling until I was Hunni's height before looking at him in the eyes with a smile. My smile seemed contagious as upon seeing me moving again the small host smiled also.

"Hunni," I told him quietly and he leaned in a little to better hear what I was saying (it was rather cute), "I'm sorry if I startled you by tensing up. I'm just not very good at dealing with people touching me. I don't mind being around you, but can you please not grab me again?"  
Hunni nodded, "So did I hurt you when I jumped on you?"

"Oh no..." I said to him softly, "...You didn't hurt me at all not really. I just don't take too kindly to being touched." Instantly he seemed to brighten up.  
Hunni nodded again in understanding and I tried to sound a bit more cheerful, "And in answer to your first question I would love to have some cake with you."  
Hunni's smile stretched from ear to ear in response to my answer. "Yay!" He cheered and pulled his pink bunny out from behind him, "How about until I get it you hold Usa-Chan?" He held the bunny up to my face and I almost felt myself melt at how cute he and his bunny were.  
"Sure, I will." I replied to him "I love him already. He's cute," If possible Hunni's smile got even larger, "meaning he suits you perfectly!" I told him this with a smile.  
He started laughing and ran off but not before calling back to me, "Take good care of him, okay?"

Hunni got back to his guests and started rolling around in one girls lap. I got the feeling he had forgotten about getting cake (unfortunately, as I love cake), but those thoughts were pushed aside when Kyoya began speaking once more, "You'll notice that our club utilizes each man's unique characteristics to cater to the desires of our guests. Just so you know." He said informatively as I glanced at Tamaki smiling at a laughing guest, "Tamaki is number 1 around here. He is the king. His request rate is 70%."

"You're fucking messing with me right?" I stated surprised. I glanced over to the tall blonde again. This time I noted the way he was easily conversing with all the girls around him. He seemed to have an individual smile for every girl as he spoke to each one of them. Taking this into account I could guess why he seemed to have the majority of the girls in the room flocking over to him or casually glancing his way.  
The bespeckled boy beside me seemed to hide a slight grimace at my chosen words however, "I wouldn't recommend using that language around here, Hisoka. Our guests are from the social elite of not only this country but beyond, therefore they will most likely not tolerate your vulgarity. I am aware that Tamaki alone overreacts to any form of explicative or street jargon he hears. In order to retain the reputation of Ouran's host club and the integrity of it's patrons I implore that you refrain from such language while on the academy's premises, and that you think before you open your mouth." The tone of the guy's voice seemed pleasant enough but you would have to be deaf not to hear the subtle command to his tone. I raised a slight eyebrow and held the pink stuffed bunny in my arms to my frame faintly.

"I did think before I spoke." I muttered dejectedly, "Unlike you I haven't really been around people that care about the way I speak. I'm only used to limiting my speech around teachers and my younger siblings. No-one else cares enough to even really notice, never mind bother to reprimand me."

The dark haired boy appeared to consider my words and glanced at a black notebook in his arms before replying, "That may be so, but in order for you to pay off your 8 million yen debt with us, you will act as the Ouran host club's dog until you graduate so you may wish to extend that list to include this club and it's guests as well." He seemed to pause for a moment before turning to face me, smiling with slight amusement in his voice, "I'm sorry, I meant our errand boy. You can try to run away if you want to, Hisoka, but just so you know, my family employs a private police force of 100 officers. By the way..." He asked me, pushing his glasses up his nose. "...do you have a passport?"

I thought about this quickly. I did but I hadn't used it in years, so the thing was probably in one of my many folders of stuff in my room. "Somewhe..." I started to say but froze when someone blew on the back of my neck. My body became ridged and my mind blanked for a second. Damn.

"You're going to have to work hard to pay off that debt, my little nerd."

"Tamaki, I wouldn't recommend doing that again." The vice-president spoke to his president who made a confused sort of noise. "Why ever not Kyoya?" He asked sounding both curious and confused.

Kyoya sighed and opened a black notebook that he had with him muttering "Never mind."  
During the time that the two of them had been speaking I relaxed myself again while being slightly weary of the blond's proximity to me.

"You know.." Tamaki said to me in an observing tone of voice "...You need a makeover, or no girl's going to look twice at you."

I wanted to sigh. I forgot that the group of guys that had made me their 'servent' thought I was male myself. At this point I just couldn't face their reactions after correcting them.

"Why the hell would I want girls to look at me anyway?" I asked him in all seriousness, "It's not like it's important to me."

"What!" he replied in a completely unnecessary dramatic tone, "Are you kidding me? That's the most important thing. You have to learn to be a gentleman and please the ladies like me." Somehow he pulled a rose out of no-where.

I sighed as I responded, "I don't see how it is important at all. I've never seen a point in obsessing over appearances and labels anyway, I don't really gain anything from it so it doesn't interest me too much. I mean if a person decent on the inside that's all that really should matter. Besides there are far more important things in life then materialism, they can only get you so far, so I don't quite understand why you even have a host club like this."

I told him and he initially seemed surprised by my response but got over it soon enough. Tamaki then began to drawl on about something. I didn't really pay attention as he waltzed around the room. I was actually trying to figure out how to describe this guy for when I was inevitably asked how my day went this evening.

(About 10 seconds later)

"Oh I've figured it out!" I exclaimed, not realising at first just how loudly I'd spoken. If you want the truth, I had believed that I had muttered this all under my breath so that no-one would hear me.

"Oh, did I strike a chord with you?" Tamaki exuberantly asked me and suddenly slid up beside me, clearly referring to everything that he had just been going on about, thankfully not touching me this time.

"He's an obnoxious, shameless, egotist!" I stated, somehow still not realising all that I was saying. Within a second Tamaki had for some reason vanished from my side and was now curled in the fetal position in random corner in the room, in what I now christen, 'Tamaki's pity corner'.

As the seconds passed I realised that the words I had said were honestly a bit rude (regardless of how rude this lot had all been to me). Despite this I heard distinct laughter from 2 different sources come up behind me, which led me to believe that the laughter came from the red-haired twins.

"You're a real hero, all right." One of stated from behind me before they both laughed again, although I was unable to tell the exact levels of sarcasm in his tone. I looked back at the moping blond still sitting in the corner with slight reluctance.

"Tamaki," I managed to get out to him, only slightly sincere given how pushy he'd been, "Although your lesson did strike a small chord with me. I'm sorry I was so rude and blunt, it's just that's how you've been speaking to me and I didn't expect you to have such a strong reaction to my words" I 'apologized' in the least apologetic manner I could, holding the pink rabbit in my arms closer to me.

Almost at the speed of light the blonde jumped up from his corner, turning and extending his hand to me as if I was supposed to take it with a smile, "Really? It did? Let me teach you more, my friend."

I was rather grateful at this point that no-one around could read my mind otherwise they probably would have gotten a headache as I tried to make sense of the dramatic change to the character in front of me that I had just witnessed.

"Boss." One of the twins inserted to speech, only to be corrected by Tamaki telling them to call him 'King'. The red-head ignored the command and continued speaking however, "You can teach him all the basics of hosting."

The other one moved their hand off my head and moved in front of me, but I didn't really pay attention to what they were saying but I did get one part.

"...You know he's not exactly host club material, but maybe if we moved his hair out of his eyes, it'd help."

Hikaru the twin grabbed my fringe and pushed it out of my eyes, I froze at the contact. In an almost karma filled movement Hikaru froze too, his eyes widening at either at my blue grey eye or out of curiosity and shock about the grey eye patch that covered my left eye. I'm kind of guessing the small eye patch. Kaoru did the same when he saw my face properly.

Tamaki arrived and pushed both twins out the way, after a moment he became strangely serious.

"Hikaru, Kaoru." He commanded and the twins lifted me up and began to drag me out of the room. While after regaining the ability to move again I fought against them the whole time.

-+- In the changing rooms -+-

"Here," the twins said holding a spare of the Ouran school uniform to me, "Change into this Uniform."

"What the hell, why?" I asked but they just responded by telling me not to ask questions and trying to get me to change.

"Okay," I sighed, "But only if you both get out first."

Their response was them jumping towards me chanting "Change! Change! Change!" Having Enough of this, and before they managed to touch me I kicked them out of the changing room and they went flying.

"Sorry!" I called out to them, "You did ask for it!" I told them laughing, "Listen to me next time."

Still laughing I turned to the uniform and groaned. 'Do I have to?'

"Well." I said to myself "If they want me to dress like a boy then I'll have to pray my sports bra compresses my chest enough to pass for one.

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AN - Hello to all. Thank you so much for reading the first installment of the re-write of What If?  
For those who have delightfully read both the original and this, you may have noticed some differences throughout the chapter. Please tell me what you've thought of the changes so I know what people are thinking of what I'm doing so far.

To those of you who may be new to What If? and Hisoka, I say a massive welcome. If you want to read more about Hisoka's exploits in the Host club but can't wait for me to update again, feel free to continue reading the original story also under my fanfictions.

I'll be aiming on updating soon enough but until then I wish you all the best.  
Please let me know what you think,  
Illusions.


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